Week 9 - ending 3/4: Unconditional Love

In 'olelo Hawai'i, me ke aloha pau 'ole means with unconditional or never-ending love. Me ke aloha translates to with love or with my love, pau means to end, finish or complete and 'ole means never or no.

Embodying this feeling is something I am working on. Unconditional love for others as well as myself. I am able to feel love for myself and others, however, it is not unconditional. It is never ending, but seemingly conditional.

My love for myself has conditions placed on it by my ego. When that goes unchecked I fall into a mine field of thoughts of inadequacies, failures and mistakes exploding around me. When I work to keep myself balanced by sleeping well, eating properly, exercising and meditating I am able to better manage my ego. As I go through this journey, I am finding the hardest thing is getting used to the calm. As strange as it feels to speak, write and comprehend, peace is new to me. Peace is scary and, dare I say, boring. What do I do with my mind if I cannot use it as a boat to swim through the emotional river and see which mountain it originates from? Time and patience are helping me calm my ego and acclimate to peace.

My love for others is unending, but even that has conditions. The biggest of which is that some of them need to keep their distance. When it comes to others, I am patient and apathetic to how I am treated at first. This has gotten me into trouble when the relationship progresses and I suddenly feel invested and want to set boundaries. It is when these, unsaid, boundaries are crossed that the conditions are placed. It was Uma Thurman that said, "I still love the people I've loved, even if I cross the street to avoid them." That is how my unconditional love for some exists. I love them and always will, but I would prefer to never see or speak to them again. Sometimes I wonder if that is even love, but then I think, maybe that is love with boundaries.

As life goes on, I will continue to practice me ke aloha pau 'ole, for myself and others. However, I also know, as long as I am in this life, the ego, which is in place to protect, will restrict my ability to truly understand, see and live in unconditional love. I will focus on seeing the lessons and beauty in all people as a start to loving more unconditionally.