Week 50 - ending 12/16: Her

The other day, I was driving and heard a song that reminded me of a previous relationship I was in. As I thought about the relationship I didn't get angry, sad or upset about it. Instead I looked at myself and commented on parts of me that were in that relationship that I missed and liked. This post is in that spirit.

I miss the confidence I had at 20. I got a flat tire and asked some gentleman for help. I look back at that age and miss the fearless, confident girl. Perhaps much of it was naivety, but I lack some of that confidence now. It seems like the longer I live, and the more I see, I lose some confidence to seek help when needed.

When I was in my mid-30's I was focused on yoga. I miss the girl who committed to 30 days straight of hot yoga. She made the time, set the boundaries and completed the goal. Lately, my boundaries have been breached. Forget about goals, I haven't even been able to complete my to do list.

When I was a child we had a swimming pool in the backyard. I swam everyday that I could, all day. I miss the girl who could entertain herself for hours and complain that there were too few hours in the day.

All of those people are still in me, because they are all me and I am all of them. It's just a matter of wiping the cobwebs off of the girl who swam all day. Digging deep to find the confidence, even if it is shallow based. Making time to practice yoga, or whatever athletic pursuit, I desire.

I guess we never really change. We just reform. Cover up old with new and discover new by peeling away old.