Week 7 - ending 2/18: Intellect or Anxiety

I recently learned there is a difference between thinking for intellectual purposes or curiosity, and thinking as a result of anxiety. Keeping my mind on the present and not thinking is a challenge for me, however, I thought it was curiosity or a desire to learn. Dare I say I fancied myself an intellectual, but now, I see it may just be anxiety. Seems the best thing to do is to think on this.

As a result of this revelation, I've started working on consciously living in the moment. Not just living in the moment when I am working and have to focus on the task at hand, but also during the quiet times, the slow times, the boring times. What I am learning is that if you stop and observe, instead of observe and analyze, you see a lot more. You can digest a lot more. You can find a lot more clues. You learn a lot more than if you were trying to learn by thinking.

I was watching a movie the other day called, "the 100 year old man that walked out of the window," or something to that degree. It was mostly subtitles so it took a bit more concentration to watch it, however there was a line that stuck with me. The line read, "He was always thinking for no good reason. Thinking will get you no where. The only true thing is that it is what it is and it will be what it will be."

It is the first sentence that really gets me because I realize I think for no good reason. I think to predict the future. I think to reconcile the past. I think to plan for future obstacles. I think to rewrite the past. I think to distract myself from the present.

I never observe the present. I never sit in the present. I never feel the present. I never let things be.

I see and think, I sit and think, I feel and think, I try to control and think.

When I just let things be, I receive.

I was texting with an old friend the other day and he said to me, "don't think too much." In that moment I wasn't, and because of that I was able to read and receive the message as it was.

So, as I start a new week, my goal is to just let things be. Think when necessary, but stop and begin to recognize when I am thinking out of curiosity or the need to learn a skill versus thinking to stop feeling, thinking to control, or thinking to deal with anxiety.