Week 47 - ending 11/25: What I Have to Show

Lately I have been becoming painfully aware of how hard I try compared to some other people. For my job, we have to take the on call once every several weeks. During the week we are on call, if a customer needs emergency assistance we must assist them. On Saturday morning, I received a call and had to go into work to help a customer. I ended up being there for 4 hours.

While I was there I was talking to one of our security guards. He commented that I am the only person who takes on call seriously. I am the only person who actually quickly comes into work to assist. I asked him what everyone else does? He replied that they all try to do it over the phone or push it off. Essentially, only coming in if they absolutely have to.

I was very surprised by this comment and the behaviors of others. I have always known I erred on the side of "good girl" or very conscientious but never realized how much.

Today I had to work in the office for a meeting and saw another coworker. They commented on how early I was getting into the office. I often come in early to enjoy the quiet before others arrive and to avoid traffic.

After that comment I was sitting at my desk and thinking. I realized I was the only one in the office, one of the lowest paid employees and started to think about what I had to show for my time and effort.

By some accounts I am doing ok. I purchased a condo 11 years ago in an expensive state/market. However, my salary puts my in the low income category. Why am I working so hard to be low income? Why I am sacrificing my personal life, my health, my wellbeing for low income. I am not saying money is everything, but I feel like my balance is off.

I am worth more, especially for what I do for this company. My worth should be paid and valued more. Between these comments and the incident outlined in last weeks post, I am starting to have a better understanding of worth.

I have always been one to take what is given. Trusting that others see my worth and reward it accordingly. However, I am learning that is not the case. As heartbreaking as it can feel for me, I have to prove my worth to others. I have to ask for what I deserve. Others receive more than I feel they deserve. Why should I receive less than I feel I deserve?