Week 43 - ending 10/28: Judgement

Maya Angelou stopped talking for six years after, she believed, her words sent a man to prison and ultimately to his death. Speaking her truth of an unfortunate event had a consequence she didn't, or couldn't, see.

As I've gone through life I've learned that I can be a very judgmental person. I am judgmental with my words, not my facial expressions or actions. I've also realized I am most judgmental of those closest to me.

I began examining this the other day when I said something to a friend and hit a nerve. The situation is third party, which I have experience with and consequently, judgements about.

As I read her response I realized that this person meant more to her than I realized. I also started looking at why I was so judgmental. It comes from me having been hurt in those situations and me not wanting someone I care about to be hurt in a similar situation. However, I don't know if it's similar. I don't know how it will end or what will happen. The pain may be inflicted on the party not involved. Time will tell that.

After that text I immediately backed away from the conversation and everyone. I lost a friend over this before and didn't want it to happen again. So now I sit not wanting to talk like Maya Angelou for fear my words will cause the end of a friendship.

I didn't mean for my words to be hurtful. I didn't know how deep the feelings were. I don't want to see anyone hurt. But I guess I need to choose words more carefully. It seems like in today's world everything is disposable, including relationships. Time means nothing, memories mean nothing, shared experiences mean nothing. All that matters is how you feel about the moment. Whether you approve or not, you are to keep your mouth quiet. For if you don't, you can easily be replaced by a cheerleader.

I don't want cheerleaders in my life. I want people to tell me like it is. I want people to bring me a different perspective. I may reject it, but at least I will have that knowledge in hand.

For now I will watch my words. After all, it is not my life and I don't even know all the parties involved. However, I do know one, and I never want to see them sad.