Week 37 - ending 9/16: Two Halves, Push and Pull

The older I get the more I learn about my parents through observing them and me. My parents divorced before I was a year old so I never knew what life was like with both of them living together. For me, growing up, I always felt separation.

As I have gotten older I have become more aware of why my parents marriage didn't work. My mother is very driven. She doesn't sit and aimlessly watch TV. She doesn't allow things to gather or create clutter. She always works hard to keep her home and yard neat, clean and tidy. My mother also works hard at keeping herself healthy and independent. As a result of her drive nature, she enjoys being around others who are driven as well. An afternoon spent napping is not something you would ever catch her doing.

My father, on the other hand, is not driven in the same way. He does not work hard to keep his home neat, tidy and clean. Instead, he works hard at renovating his home, but never seems to complete the renovations. Thus, the home is always filled with partially completed projects. Additionally, his motivation to keep himself in top shape is not there either. Perhaps he is also always being renovated. Preferring chatting with buddies over donuts and coffee in the morning and scotch in the evening, to walking, cleaning or exercising.

Knowing the different mentalities I come from has helped me become more aware. There are times in my day, and life, I can stop and identify which parent I am pulling at the moment.

The days spent exercising, cleaning and joyful are definitely me being my mother. The days spent drinking, sitting on the sofa and watching the clothes and mail pile up are my days as my father.

While I don't hold judgement on which is better or worse, I can conclude that multiple days spent like my mother make me a happier person. However, I do enjoy a father like day once in a while, but spending too much time in that state sees me spiraling.

While there will always be questions about nurture vs nature in people, I can say that I am old enough, and aware enough, to recognize the nature or nurture I received from my mother and father. I am also old enough to know which works best for me and how to balance them out.