Week 33 - ending 8/19: Helpless

Last week Lahaina was devastated by wildfires. While the news coverage focused there because of the incredible loss of life and property, there were still people being affected in other parts of Maui due to fire. Other people lost their homes and had to evacuate, just not on the scale of Lahaina.

As I watched, and continue to watch, the news coverage along with raw footage of escapes, I cannot help but feel so helpless. I have cried several times due to the heaviness of the situation. Not just for the present day but for the future. We all know Lahaina will never be the same. We all know who will come in and "pay homage" to the past with tall buildings that contain nods to old Lahaina via décor and color.

But it will never be the same. Steel structures cannot replace wood frame and have the same warmth. Energy and emotions of generations do not cling to steel like they do to wood. The smell of salt water attaching itself to wood is different than that of salt water brushing against steel.

As it continues to unfold I want to help so bad. I did what I could in terms of giving money and supplies. However, it doesn't seem like enough. These people have lost it all. These people have been through an intense experience that will shape their life forever. I don't have a big enough house to welcome a displaced family. I don't have a boat or a plane that I can use to get supplies and people on and off the island. I don't have a background in medicine, mental health or animal sciences. I don't have a background in search and rescue or forensics. I don't have millions of dollars that I can use to help the people keep and rebuild so the generational families do not have to leave.

Instead, I have spent years sitting in a corporate office. I have spent years typing emails and sitting in meetings. For what? I feel I have no real world skills to help in the event of an emergency. I don't feel like I can help my community with any of my skills. It has been very eye opening and makes me think about what I can do to better myself. To be able to serve others and assist when people need other people the most.

I remember when I was very sick with e. coli. I was unable to get a ride to the hospital. I remember looking at my living room and thinking about curling up in the fetal position and just waiting to die. I knew I was sick. I knew I needed help. I knew I was in trouble. I imagine those who perished in the fire had similar experiences. I made it, some of them did not. I still cannot get it out of my head about what they felt in those last moments. In those moments from when you know you will perish to perishing. I didn't die, I survived, they didn't. Perhaps that is why I feel so connected. Perhaps it is because I am living in the most isolated land mass on earth with them. Perhaps it is because our only way to save them was via community help and I do not feel part of the community if I cannot help.