Week 23 - ending 6/10: Dreams

The other morning I remembered one of my dreams upon waking. In fact, I not only remembered it, I couldn't get it out of my head. Once I realized the meaning of it, I was able to stop thinking about it.

In the dream I was going on a hike alone. I had done this hike before but it had been a while and it was a little different due to time and erosion.

I approached the start of the hike. It was up a hill and around a corner. There was a small landing area before a steep hill that required climbing using your hands and knees to get up.

I hung out on the landing for a few minutes as I waited for a group of women to come down the hill and leave. I also put my keys and phone in my backpack and grabbed a sip of water.

I was alone when I first tired to traverse the hill. There was a worn out area that could be used as a step. It was rather high, at my waist height. I put my hand on the outside of the step and jumped to put my foot on the ledge. Immediately I slipped back down.

It was ok though because I tried again and again.

Eventually, I was able to get my foot steady on the first step. At that point I began looking for the next step. I saw it and moved my free foot up to it. As I lifted my right hand to reach higher it slipped and I fell to the bottom again.

I quickly jumped onto the first step and tried again for the second. However, again, when I reached my hand up I slipped and fell to the ground.

I decided to take a minute to rest and look at the hill. Trying to see another way up and other places I could put my feet and hands to make the climb.

While I was waiting a few groups of people arrived. One had a baby stroller. Of course they were unable to make it up the hill on their own. So I jumped in and helped them hoist the stroller up the hill so they could be on their way.

A few minutes later another group arrived with people needing help. Once again, I helped them to get up the hill.

I woke up before I knew if I ever made it up the hill or what was waiting for me on the rest of the hike. However, I couldn't forget the short but meaningful dream.

I began to realize it was telling me that I cannot do it all on my own. No matter how hard I try not to burden others with perceived problems, insecurities and fears, I need people. I need their help. It is safe and healthy to ask for help. I realized many of the times I don't ask for help is a result of not feeling worthy. As if my problems are just overblown and dramatic compared to others. As if my issues should not be spoken of because their life has been harder in that area than mine.

I realized that I need to get over that and trust the people I call friends. I also learned that while it is OK to ask for help, I should also be discerning in who I ask. The person who I have known for 24 years but has treated me badly multiple times is probably not the one. Whereas, the friend who has always been there for me, in our 10 years of knowing each other is a healthier choice.

In the end, I realized asking for help is still something struggle with, but no matter how big or small the issue, people will help you. The right people will help you. The wrong people will show you they cannot help you. They cannot, or will not, even help themselves. That is a story for another time.